i'm getting really exhausted.
- my eyes are like half-opened.. but i just can't get to sleep.
repetition of tossing and turning is killing me..
- probably that explains why i'm here.. now, at this time.
baby, i miss you like crazy.. ;(
and this is driving me crazy cause even when i lie down on my bed, i picture you next to me; just like the other day.. when
i held you tightly in my arms while we were napping.
- i love that feeling... that moment..
it felt like we were in a world of our own; just you and me.
simple yet unforgettable. sigh.
i miss you, i really do.
why aren't you here with me? ;(
\insomnia scribbled at 02:34:11 AM
all these unhealthy thoughts keep coming my way; i hate this.
i can't help having doubts in this relationship..
i can't help doubting you..
sigh. i don't know.
i know it's wrong but i just can't help it.
i'm sorry..
you've changed so much..
you're no longer the one i used to know..
everything is just so different.
why?
i don't need a complicated relationship,
i don't need gifts all the time,
i don't need anything of such..
all i ever ask for..
is a simple relationship;
a simple you.
i wanna go back to how we used to be..
go back to those days where everything just consist of you and me.
i want everything to be wonderful again.
leading a simple life with you is all that i'll ever ask for.
simplicity is beauty.
\simple scribbled at 18:22:54 PM
this insecurities' eating me up.
i'm not crazy;
i'm just a lil unwell.
i can't help;
i can't help but tear.
i wished there's something to immune me.
\insecurity doodled at 19:48:28 PM
beauty queen of only sixteen
she had some trouble with herself
i want to make her feel beautiful
i drove for miles and miles
and wound up at your door
i've had you so many times but somehow
i want more
i don't mind spending everyday
out on your corner in the pouring rain
look for the girl with the broken smile
ask her if she wants to stay awhile
and she will be loved
she will be loved
tap on my window knock on my door
i want to make you feel beautiful
i know i tend to get so insecure
it doesn't matter anymore
it's not always rainbows and butterflies
it's compromise that moves us along
my heart is full and my door's always open
you can come anytime you want
i know where you hide
alone in your car
know all of the things that make you who you are
i know that goodbye means nothing at all
comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
tap on my window knock on my door
i want to make you feel beautiful
please don't try so hard to say goodbye
please don't try so hard to say goodbye
\insecured scribbled at 20:13:40 PM
23:06:37 PM
i'm mesmerized..
i'm captivated...
by you..
your hand fits perfectly in mine; you're the one i wanna hold onto until the end of time..
everytime i hold your hand in mine, it's the sweetest thing my heart could ever find.
i wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
carry you around when your arthritis is bad
all i wanna do is grow old with you
i'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks
it could be so nice, growing old with you
i'll miss you
kiss you
give you my coat when you are cold
need you
feed you
even let you hold the remote control
so let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
i could be the one who grows old with you
i wanna grow old with you
\idonteverwannalosethis
23:58:16 PM
today's simply remarkable.. haven't felt so so so delighted for such a long time.. ;)
heh. my whole day was filled with her. ;))
and YESH, im obsessed.. obsessed with .. HER! heh.
my baby, my princess, my sweet, my dear, my darlin', my partner, my significant half,
my baby girl, my lil' girl, my bitchin'-partner, my personal gossiper, my walking diary, my lil hot mama,
my hope, my love, my energy booster, my source of strength..
my.. she's all mine. heh.
a wee bit of you makes me whole..
baby, i love you.
i really do.
-------
i rot the whole noon while anticipating for her arrival..
tick tock.. tick tock.
it took ages.. ages for her to come. ;(
i waited..
waited...
and waited...
till my cell finally rang...
heh. it was her!
me: "hello baby! where are you?! ;\"
her: "i'm near tiong bahru.. i think i'm lost.. ;("
me: "baby, don't be scared.. i'm here. i'll go down and pick you up okayy?"
her: "hee. okayy babyy.. i'll cya later okayy!"
...
heh. her sweet lil voice never fails to lighten my heart.
we had some quality time together..
- chilling, rotting and even napping.
it was simple; yet marvellous.
...
we then headed down town in the evening..
we were supposed to meet vivien and gang for fish and co'..
but she wasn't in the mood for fish and co'..
so.. that's how baker's inn (her favourite) came about..
ironically ironic, we ordered each's favourite pasta?
heh.
if you didn't catch that, she ordered my favourite pasta.. and i ordered her all times' favourite..
and nopey, it wasn't intentional..
we didn't even realized it till much later. heh.
after the meal, we had to run some 'errands'.. (was to get some snacks for her brother.. lol.)
we then decided to head down to fish and co' to drop in. it was a rather quick one as she had to rush home.
urm.. it lasted less than 10mins? hahah. yepp, i sent her home right after that.
i returned to fish and co' much later.. did some catching up with vivien, sarah(tang), melissa, cindy, grace
and hui shan.
it was great seeing them.
all the catching up and gossips..
- reminiscence of the polka dot-ted past. sigh.
hanged around at fish and co for quite a while.. then down to esplanade for some chillin' session.
after which, i'm back to my pig sty once again.
you're the first and last thing on my mind.
\kaede
19:57:39 PM
after the long week, it's finally the weekends.
-yawns- this week has been darn draggy.. all the make-up lessons are basically wearing me out.
i really need a rest. - a long deserved rest. be it emotionally or physically.. - i'm worn out.
i haven't been bloggin for
days. - i guess i just didn't had the mood to. what's there to say.. when all that you're left with is just an empty shell. sigh.
just a little recall on what happened yesterday.. i stumbled upon a $19.30 phonecard while waiting at the bus stop outside glenn-eagles.
(obviously the card's value wasn't essential to me.) the words on it caught my attention though.
"with sheer determination, there's nothing too difficult in this world."
a little flashback for today..
i think my luck's fucking down today. i was 35 mins late for lecture when i was supposedly early in the first place.
started off my day taking 197 to NUH.. then changed another bus to reach the campus. it's a faster route you see.
well, i saw the bus 97 approaching.. (apparently, i've never taken that bus before.) i flagged, thinking that it will bring me
to my desired destination.
just to reconfirm,
me: "uncle, does this bus goes to sp?"
uncle: "HUH?"
me: "eh.. does this bus passes by sp?"
uncle: "dover? yes yes!"
me: "okayy thanx!"
taking his words for granted, i scanned my card with relieved.
yet unknowningly, i found myself landed up outside NUS after 10mins. (wtf!)
at that point of time, i was like urm.. 15mins late?
then i crossed the darn bloody flyover..
-- guess what? the first bus i saw when i reached the bus stop was 97!
and YESH, i took the fucking 97 again. but this time it's the opposite direction. then i dropped off near some industrial park? after feeling 'lost'
for several minutes, i found my way walking through this fucking underpass which requires
loads of energy and it's bloody timing-consuming.
when i finally got back to where i started, i was hot and sweaty. darn. now what?
-- the first bus i saw when i was back to where i was
97 AGAIN. wtf. just what's with me and 97?
yea. then i waited for another 9mins, the bus that i was "supposed" to take arrived.
ps: if you're wondering why didn't i take a cab?
--- i didn't bring enough cash. ;x
when i finally reached my lecture room, i was around 34mins late? -.-
[stupid incident two.]
i went down to singapore pools without my wallet. -.-
flashback:
i was holding my wallet in hand. then i took my handphone and put my wallet back on the table unknowningly, and head down
to singapore pools. stupid me.
ps: teow's coming home tomorrow!
\madness
i'm suffering from an overflowing of emotions.
\empty scribbled at 00:43:28 PM
what's with the world?
what's with the society and homosexuality?
somebody make me understand what's the world coming to.
honestly, what's the world coming to?
why's the fucking society making an issue out of homosexuality?
somebody enlighten me?
i really don't understand.
what's with all those labelling? those criticism?
when the topic homosexuality is brought up, there's nothing positive. what i can see, what i can hear.. is EK!.. disgusting! YUCK!
-- what's with all those disgraceful, ill-mannered reaction?
do those people not understand the negative response they gave reflect badly on them? in the first place, do they even understand that they actually don't have the fucking rights to judge?
who are they to judge anyway?
this draws back to the topic on christianity.
didn't God teach us not to judge. - judge not, or you'll be judged.
the interpretation goes like this (pardon me if i'm wrong), as beings, we don't judge one another.. instead, we learn to love one another despite their differences. its wrong to judge as we ourselves are not perfect.
-- if this explains it, then why do criticism still exist today?
i strongly feel that humans should learn to reflect on their own behaviour.
today, in this world.. this society, we are no different from beast.
to ALL,
are you able to stand before God.. tell him that you're perfect.. you're sinless and therefore you're given the privilege to judge.
-- if you're able to, by all means.
if you're not able to, why don't you learn to shut your gap? learn to think before you speak?
do humans today reduced themselves to a stage whereby they use their ass-es to do thinkings? i often wonder.
why make an issue out of nothing?
why start a fight when all's good?
try picturing this :
you're alone(a straight) being surrounded by a group of homosexuals. just by doing nothing invoked many ugly comments.. "EK. she's straight. SO DISGUSTING. YUCKS."
- well, think about it.. how would you feel?
thought of the day : do we live to judge?
\empty scribbled at 00:23:16 PM
20:59:20 PM
i wanted to blog down everything, but i lost my chain of thoughts.
fuck it.
granddad's hospitalized.
i'm getting worried.
nothing's coming my way.
sigh.
i really really hope he'll be fine.
what's with all the fucking sickness, illness and pain?
what's with dying?
i guess this entry ain't gonna make sense cause i ain't thinking straight.
some things requires explanation, clarification.. but i'm just too tired to.
some things are not meant to be
this way; but it's beyond my control.
i wanna throw this fucking burden away. take my life. lead me the way.. the way i'm supposed to live it.
i wanna heal, i wanna feel
erase all the pain till its gone
i wanna break away.
i can't feel the way i did before
i've become so numb.. become so tired.
\run away.
21:10:12 PM
wtf.
reverting to my old introvert self.
the fucked up one.
-
i wish i could stand on a busy corner, hat in hand, and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours.
-
\fingers all on me.
18:27:16 PM
getting used to a motion; doing something when it's not needed
- this is probably what they call a routine.
\empty
22:01:09 PM
what you give, is never what you get.
\empty
22:47:59 PM
one year five months ago; a significant date.
the day you stepped into my life; the best that has ever happened.
memories are still playing freshly in my mind. - how we gotta know each other, how i always tried to attract your attention,
how you poured ice tea\green tea\ice mountain on me, our dates, our first kiss, the first time i ever held your hand, the obstacles we
went through and those days back in st marg's.
i'm sorry for times i've disobeyed you.. for pissing you off.. for upsetting you all the time.
thanks for putting up with me; my raging temper.. for always giving in to me..
you're the one that keeps me going; my only motivation in life; my source of hope.
if there's one thing i could do, that would be growing old with you.
baby, i love you.
happy 17th anniversary.
\empty
21:04:57 PM
not everything that is faced can be changed,
but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
\empty
13:49:23 PM
my day's just started. yepp. basically, nothing seems to be going on well for me. yea, fuck it. bloody insonmia last night. i spent
the whole night tossing and turning. i even tried taking my notes out to read. - one of my silly attempts to make myself sleep.
well, i failed.
supposed to return to school today but i'm just too tired. afterall, i'm still having my medical leave so it wouldn't matter. probably just
doing myself a great disadvantage. i'm just so gonna die. tried reading my notes, yea, like usual.. i catch no balls. common tests are round
the corner. not to forget, i've got a test tomorrow. hahah. good luck to me.
come to think about it.. ever since school started, i haven't
exactly studied or even revised my work.
fuck it. damn those new year resolutions i've made.
i'm made believe that i can never get my path straight.
i can't see beyond tomorrow; can't feel beyond pain.
it hurts to even breathe. imissyou. sigh.
now that you're gone, i'm left with remnants of me.
pieces of negativity.
\i'm such a screwed up.
18:44:59 PM
i stumbled then i fall.
my world's crumbled.
\empty
10:23:12 PM
the call which i've been waiting for, reduced me to tears.
its over.
\contradicter
15:44:15 PM
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\fallen
10:39:57 AM
you'll never understand the joy of having you back in my arms and regaining the ability to tell you how much i adore you all over again.
just when everything was close to perfect ...
-- the ringing of my cell brought me back to reality.
\fallen
01:34:27 AM
i've been convincing myself that you'll change, but i guess its time i learn to convince myself to hate.
the thought of you makes me weak; makes me fall.
in your presence, i surrender.
when will my mind defeat my heart?
\fallen
02:37:14 AM
Endless Road
The truth is tearing up my heart
I can't recognize this place
The endless road without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time
Why am i still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Every time i ask if this would be the last
Why am i still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather but it just draws me deeper
How do i get out of this I think i never will
A crystal forming in the eye
Maybe this would be the last
The winding pathdown my face
Till i begin to taste the bitterness inside
[I'm losing myself; losing you.]
[where are you.]
[[i miss you.]
[sigh.]
\fallen
23:44:15 PM
you've got me believin - i'm the greatest fool.
\fallen
00:44:15 AM
you're the i love most yet you're the one who disappoints me all the time.
\fallen
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